


The Butterfly's Thorn

by VainClaws



Category: MLQC - Fandom, Mr. Love: Queen’s Choice (Video Game), love and producer, 恋与制作人 | Liàn Yǔ Zhì Zuò Rén (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I AM SAD OK, KNOWING THE TRUE INTENTIONS BEHIND LUCIEN'S STUFF IS JUST HEARTBREAKING, PURE ANGST AND PAIN, maybe will continue on, yall i hate myself for loving him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 06:17:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19435618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VainClaws/pseuds/VainClaws
Summary: [ Lucien/MC Fanfic ]When she first realized that she was in love with him, she denied it.Thus, whenever he would smile through his cheeks and gives her the faintest smile, she would feel her heartbeat beat just a bit quicker, and her body warmth all over, just a tiny bit.She denies it.





	The Butterfly's Thorn

**Author's Note:**

> im sad ok

When she first realized that she was in love with him, she denied it. Thus, whenever he would smile through his cheeks and gives her the faintest smile, she would feel her heartbeat beat just a bit quicker, and her body warmth all over, _just a tiny bit_ . She denies it. Now is the time to leave, to forget about it, because this was not appropriate, she had a company to save for heaven’s sake, she _cannot afford_ this to disturb her time. 

But, when she looks at him, she couldn’t help but smile, and when he looks back she could feel the atmosphere calmer, for even just a second. Perhaps, it was all in her head, that perhaps this was all just her finding refuge in a figure whom would give great lengths to help her. Helping others is a common trait, _is it not_? Somewhere in between, she wants to believe in the curious tide pulling her into the uncertainty, the wind that blows into his embrace, and thus, even now she knew that the man she is so desperately falling for, may not be the man that he seems to be.

The morning breeze grazed through her apartment loft just like any other evening in Loveland, the air smells fresh and green with a hint of petrichor. It was about to rain. She looks out the window for a while before deciding to close it shut, drawing the curtains, and taking a breath. It has been a rough couple of weeks, with LFG dragging her workload up to the mountains, she could really use a break--but she knows, once again that she cannot afford to stop working and doing her best. After all, this company is the only thing that matters to her, isn’t it?

Her thoughts went to a halt as she heard the familiar thump of a familiar man’s shoe just out on the hallway, and everything felt as if she should go outside and greet him, or pretend to get the mail which she already have gotten before she entered her apartment--all in the intention of her seeing his face once again. But, she can’t, she knows this. Then, the sounds of keys rattling and the sound of a door opening came softly into her ears, it has been quite some time since they last met, or even texted. She wanted to, but she knew how busy the professor was, this was also an excuse for her to avoid him, as he was avoiding her.

When she knew that he has been avoiding her, she couldn’t really take into account of her feelings, maybe she had gotten things wrong, or has she read things wrong? Nevertheless, she stepped away, afraid of hurting him, and maybe afraid of how fragile she’d be in front of him if she stayed around. A half part of her, wish that she could ask why, the other half wished that she’d rather not know. 

\---

It started when the mail on his door piled up, and there was no more texts or small greetings on the hallway. He had ghosted her, again, as if this hasn’t happened--alike the previous weeks before the ball at Loveland University, the professor had ghosted her and didn’t even bother to come back home at all. But this time, she could feel him slipping away, and she tried to grasp him as fast as she could, and as strong as she could, but it seemed like he’s just disappearing away. 

When she finally, finally saw him on the hallway, she opened her mouth calling out to his name, but his eyes were different, they were tired, and sad, and full of despair--unlike the man she knew, unlike the man she fell in love with. The first time she called out to him didn’t seem to render him to his senses, so she called again, and this time, his eyes landed on hers. Such black and white melting to her colorful ones. It all seemed like such a vast memory, but everything--everything for her hurts like a punch in the gut. 

“I...I--” She stammered, looking towards her feet, couldn’t think of a word to say, “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

He smiled at her, that same, forced, smile she always remembers him by. She wants to reach out, tell him how she misses him, and if only, if only he’d allow her in, she would understand, she would. “Yes, I have been particularly busy again. My apologies.” 

Short and informative, classic. 

“I see..” She said, didn’t know what to do with the unfamiliar lack of interest he had towards holding a conversation with her. She could sense it like how she could sense the wind picking up outside of her apartment building. 

She should be going to work by now, but at the same time, her feet are glued right to the floor, standing in front of a man that’s now facing sideways, ready to enter his room, and leave her outside. 

“Do you--” She stammered all of a sudden, realizing she had spoken, he looked at her, but this time her eyes were not there to meet his anymore. Time seemed as if frozen, she didn’t know what the burning feeling in her chest exactly is, but it’s tearing herself apart, and she felt if she continued standing there her whole chest might burst out.

“Yes?”

She decided, she should ask, she deserves this, doesn’t she?

“Have you, have you been avoiding me?” She asked, her eyes glued to the floor, to the mailbox next to his door, to his door handle, anywhere but his eyes, anywhere. 

Silence.

It was so sharp it could cut through her veins like a sharp knife. And it hurts, it already is hurting her, she doesn’t want him to know, she couldn’t let him know. This might be too much for him, perhaps she was a burden and that’s all he sees. 

When she realized that the answer was not coming, she smiled a bit, but not to him, she smiled at the floor, as she chuckled, he was shady from the beginning, she should have known. She wished she had stayed away and kept everything between them as professional as possible. She should have never went to set free the fireflies from the convention with him, she should have never delivered sweets to his office, she should have never went to the amusement park with him, she should have never--

“I’m sorry” 

Her ears perked up, her cheeks red as she heard him apologize. She gulped down, her throat feels dry, she could feel herself wanting to cry. But no, no, for heaven’s sake not in front of him, it would be unprofessional. _This is all her fault_. No one else to blame. Then she stopped looking at the ground, her eyes went up to look at the man in front of her, his eyes glued to the door handle he’s holding. 

She doesn’t know what to say, but she deserves to know.

“Did I do something wrong?” She asked, her feet drawing her whole body closer to the man in front of her, “Was it something I said?” 

_Don’t leave me, not now._

The man is quiet again, a sigh escaping him, and she could feel how he is completely shutting her out, this time she could feel the cold breeze, not from the wind, but from the man in front of her. The man that also held her hand when she talked about her dad in the amusement park, the man that she defended in front of his colleagues who distrusted his work, the man that she looked up to, the man that she stargazed with, the man that she--

_Stop this._

She is hurting, he knows this, but of them know this. 

After they went to the aquarium, it was all going well, they were together, together. And she was happy, and perhaps it was her mistake that she thought he was too. She wanted to apologize to him, maybe she was too rash, to quick, to impulsive, and maybe he just didn’t like her that way. She couldn’t stop thinking of possible reasons on why he’d just leave her. 

“I never meant to hurt you.”

_But you did anyway._

She stayed silent, her feet still intact with the floor but her head and heart is screaming, angry, clawing at herself for being so stupid. 

“You told me--” She paused, feeling his eyes on hers, but still not having the courage to seek her eyes, “I thought you said that when bad things happen, time slowed down. But to me, this felt fast. Too fast. Everything seemed to happen in a single second, meeting you, working with you, spending time with you, fall--” She paused. 

“..and there’s no need to apologize. A part of me knew that this would end a long time ago. I guess-- _I just hoped I’d have a little more time_ ” She continued on, her head hung low this time, if she looks at him, she’d cry, she knows. 

People she loves leaving her, she’s used to it by now.

“You thought _this_ was real?”

His voice echoed through the hallway as if it’s any other sentence, but that one sentence crushed her. 

She looked up to him this time, tears on the verge of spilling, and her eyes met his once again, perhaps for the last time. She just looked at him, slowly feeling the color of her eyes draining away as she met with his stoic ones.

He had drained her. 

“Why--” She stopped, stepping closer to him again, “Why are you forcing myself out like this--you, you, you’re hurting me, don’t you know that?” She tried to make sense, she hoped that she did, but it was difficult, it was so _so_ difficult, “Stay with me.” 

He looked at her now, his eyes full of sadness, she thought she would see disgust, anger, annoyance, disturbance, you name it. But he sees the exact same amount of pain reflected on to his eyes. 

“Stay with me.” She repeats, her eyes now probably a tint of red, tears spilling through her clear eyes, “Don’t you _dare_ shut me out!”

But he closed his eyes.

No, no, open them again, I _swear--please_ , don’t hide yourself from me.

“Lucien..” She spoke softly.

And suddenly he opened his eyes again, but this time the look in his eyes is different, the look in his eyes--it showed that he didn’t feel the same anymore.

“Lucien?” She drifted, taking small steps backwards from the dark haired man. “I thought things were good between us-” 

“There was no _us_ , there never was.”

And then she froze.

The warnings were all there, she didn’t listen, how delusional was she to think otherwise? She knew but she looked past it, he had gotten what he wanted--perhaps he was here only to do his research on her, just like he said nearby the lake. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. 

“But-but you--”

_You made me feel loved and wanted and for that--_

“ _I don’t love you_.”

_I’ll always love you._

She regrets it all, she regrets everything. She hates him, but deep down she hates herself even more. She wants to scream, cry, punch him, lock herself up in her room until she feels better, but no-no, she can’t afford this, _please_ , she begged herself, you need to stay the same. _Don’t let this change you, for the company, for your father_. 

She closed her eyes, taking a small breather, and stepping away--

“I don’t know who you are anymore.”

She turned away, and headed for the stairs.

She didn’t look back.

It was a good thing, she thought, he wouldn’t have even cared even if she did.

_I trusted you._

\---

Her apartment felt strangely bizarre, she could feel the close proximity just right behind those walls, and there he is. She is so close yet so far, yet it hurts her even when they are apart. She started at the wall, thinking that maybe if she barged in right now he’d tell her that he made a mistake and--no, stop, she shouldn’t be thinking of such things.

He made up his mind, and she should too. 

_It was my fault. I know it was my fault._

She had questions from Gavin, the friendly old friend that is always worried for her, but this time, this problem is unsolvable, she needs to handle this herself. She needs to confront her own feelings and shove them down the drain--he doesn’t love her, she needs to remember this. He thought she was sick, or perhaps draining herself with work, but she didn’t have the heart to tell him--she was in pain, perhaps up until now. 

The CEO himself noticed the change in her, she no longer comes barging in with the energy and spirit she used to have, she finished her reports, amazingly in fact, exceptionally punctual, but she’s different, she loses her color. What the CEO doesn’t know is that she works herself off to keep herself busy, distracted, distracted from her bleeding heart. 

Even Kiro, the superstar who’s always worried about her wellbeing, is severely worried, and that says a lot since he is constantly worried. But he knew better not to provoke or force her to spill her pain on to him. But he lets her know so, that he’s always there for her, no matter what. A part of her believes this, a part of her is scared that it is all a lie. 

With no workload to finish up until the late hours, she stayed on her bed, surfing the web, looking for things to distract herself with, that’s when she heard a loud crash on the apartment next door. 

_Lucien?_

She instantly rushed to the hallway and knocked on the familiar yet painful door next to her’s. 

“Lucien-- _Are you okay_? I heard--” She pushes the door and realized that it wasn’t locked, seeing through the apartment, the usual composed and very tidy apartment of his was messy, and Lucien himself is flat out on the floor, it wasn’t the first time Lucien worked himself out like this, and it wasn’t the first time she came around to help him.

“Lucien!” She rushed to his side, seeing that he is half, or even a quarter bit conscious, she tried to grasp his arm, “Let’s move you to the bed, okay? I need you to move yourself from me--I can’t--I can’t lift you up, okay?” She tries her best to hook his hands on her fragile and smaller shoulder, and surprisingly the man complies and helps her move himself to his bed. 

The floor had shards of broken dining utilities, it seemed like he lost his strength as he was about to eat dinner. 

Without a doubt, she cleaned the shards from the floor.

_You don’t need to do this, this was the man who hurt you, he could slip on these and bleed for all you care._

But she does care, she _still_ does. 

She opened up the window in his apartment, letting fresh air come in, and when she returned to his side on the bed, he was already fast asleep. 

Huh, the usual overworking professor.

She chuckled, but her heart felt as if it’s being ripped into shreds. 

She almost wanted to sit on the bed and wait for him to wake, but she remembered, that _he doesn’t want her here._ Slowly, she rose again, and tucked him under the blanket before slowly stepping away from his bed and away to the door.

_He doesn’t need you._

_He hurt you._

_You were only being a good neighbour._

She closed the door behind her and went straight to her room again.

She knows for a fact that she wasn’t supposed to come to his place, to help him, she knows this. 

But as she sat on her own bed again, all she could feel was the warmth of his hand around her, the close proximity of his body against hers, and the smell of his familiar scent all over her, and she’s on the edge of crying again.

And that’s just her.

**_She has always burned so brightly._ **

**Author's Note:**

> I AM STILL SAD
> 
> i wanna continue on so they can be happy
> 
> @ me on tumblr: loveandproducers 
> 
> im trash bye


End file.
